Why Your Habits Can’t Seem to Stick (It’s Not Just A Lack of Discipline)

I was speaking to a client this week who was trying to figure out why she can’t seem to form sustainable habits that stick.

When we delved deeper into the reasons, she realised that she was the easiest person in her own life to compromise on.

When work got busy, her personal goals were always the first to go.

It was not because they didn’t matter to her, but because they were the easiest commitments to move.

Why it made sense

When we unpacked this, her reasoning made sense.

At work, there were deadlines, meetings, colleagues and people expecting things from her.

Her personal goals worked differently.

If she skipped her walk, worked through another evening or put off something she’d been meaning to do, there was rarely anyone who would notice.

And so over time, she began to view the commitments to herself as negotiable.

A similar pattern

I heard variations of this from several clients last week as well.

• One had dropped her daily walks during a busy stretch but kept every work meeting.
• Another kept giving up her evenings to work, even though she wanted that time back for her personal life.
• Someone else had set a firm 6.30pm cutoff to spend time with her kids before their bedtime but hadn’t managed to stick to it once.

The things they kept sacrificing were the things nobody else was holding them accountable for.

Not a discipline problem

I don’t think this is simply a matter of discipline.

Many high achievers are incredibly disciplined. They know how to work towards a goal, manage competing priorities and deliver under pressure.

But much of that discipline is supported by external structures. Deadlines. Expectations. Other people counting on them.

When those structures disappear, following through becomes a lot harder, especially when work is demanding and there is always something else that needs doing.

Over time, this can create an imbalance in the areas of your life which breeds internal resentment.

You tell yourself you’ll exercise when work settles down, reclaim your evenings after the next project, or make time for the things you’ve been putting off.

And before you know it, months have passed.

You’re still achieving. Still getting things done.

But the life you’re building doesn’t quite reflect the life you want to live.

So what can you do differently?

Start by giving your personal goals the same level of importance & structure you give work.

• Put the walk in your calendar and protect that time.
• Agree on a regular check-in with someone who knows what you’re working towards, outside of work.
• Set a boundary around your working hours and decide in advance what you’ll do when the urge to make another exception comes up.

Most importantly, stop treating your own commitments as the ones that can always wait.

Showing up for yourself

Every time a promise to yourself gets moved, it costs more than the walk. You’re quietly learning that your word to yourself is negotiable, which is why “this week will be different” gets harder to believe each time you say it.

You can be incredibly reliable to everyone around you and still struggle to show up for yourself.

But, recognising that pattern is a great start.

The next step is to build a life where your own priorities have a place TOO, even when work gets busy and other people need you.

You deserve to be someone you can count on, too.

What’s one commitment to yourself that keeps getting pushed?

If you’re not sure what’s been getting in the way, the 3-minute reflection quiz is a good place to start. You can also explore 1-1 coaching, or join the newsletter for weekly reflections like this one.