With Valentine’s Day and CNY around the corner, I’ve been thinking more intentionally about relationships. 

The first thing I want to explore: Depth vs Breadth.

How easy it is to have people around you… and still feel like you’re carrying things alone.

Last year really brought this into focus for me.

I was moving through a big identity shift – leaving corporate and stepping into entrepreneurship while also navigating family health issues at the same time. 

Externally, things looked fine as I was still working and attending social engagements. However internally, everything felt shaky, tender and ambiguous.

What made it harder was that I’m usually the one people see as “strong.” The one who’s got it together. 

The one others come to, particularly so in my new identity as someone running a personal development company and coaching others.

When that’s the role you’ve been in for a long time, you don’t always know where to put your own uncertainty (outside of my own coach/therapist).

That season taught me the difference between being emotionally supported (depth) and simply feeling connected (breadth).

For me, depth looked like a very small group of people. The ones I could be honest with without needing to seem like I got everything together. The ones who didn’t try to fix things but just listened and stayed.

I learned that those kinds of relationships aren’t built through frequency or convenience. They’re built through showing up when it’s uncomfortable. Being there for each other through difficult moments and letting yourself be seen when you’d rather keep it together.

My coach introduced me to a concept from Robin Dunbar about how we only really have capacity for a handful of deeply close relationships.

The concept helped to re-frame my perspective to be intentional about my innermost circle and to take better care of the few relationships that truly hold me.

At the same time, I also realized I needed breadth. 

Especially after leaving the corporate world, where social structure is built in and during a period where my emotional capacity was more maxed out from holding space for others in my work while navigating my own challenges.

In that season, I wasn’t looking for deep conversations or emotional processing.

I simply appreciated being around people.

New spaces. Shared interests. Movement. Lightness.

Things like fitness clubs, walks with others, showing up to workshops and events that brought me joy as I love to learn.

Breadth reminded me that connection doesn’t always have to be heavy to be nourishing.

What I’m learning is that I do need both:

Depth for the moments when life feels tender.
Breadth for the moments when I need to feel part of something bigger again.

Which do you need more of in this season – depth or breadth?