“I don’t think I can find someone else like that again.”

“Online dating is exhausting.”

“It’s scary being alone.”

I hear these a lot in my 1-1 coaching sessions and conversations with friends who’ve gone through breakups.

And I get it – the fear underneath them is very real.

But often, when the pull to go back is driven mainly by these reasons, it’s not love calling us back, it’s fear.

Fear of loneliness.

Fear of starting over.

Fear of the unknown.

And going back into a relationship without addressing or resolving the reasons it ended usually leads to more pain down the road.

What I often share with my clients is this: The current versions of both of you couldn’t be together for very real reasons. That doesn’t automatically mean there’s no future. But if there ever is one, it would have to be between different versions of you.

No matter how the breakup happened (whether it felt aligned or messy or one-sided), it still deserves to be honored. It happened for a reason.

The relationship deserves honoring too. There were real moments, real care, real memories. Grief is not a sign you made the wrong choice,  it’s a sign you loved.

And at the same time, we also have to honor the life we want to lead next…

And who we need to evolve into to get there.

Sometimes that growth leads two people back to each other, differently and more honestly.

Sometimes it leads you to someone new.

And until then, we focus on ourselves: On healing, growing, and becoming the kind of person who can build the relationship we actually want.